So yesterday was my twenty-first birthday. There is that age old question of whether or not I feel older or feel twenty-one. The honest answer to that is no. I definitely was asking the people around me yesterday if this was real because it felt so strange that people were giving me alcoholic beverages. With that being said, no I didn’t get complete wasted. I didn’t have the desire to nor did I want to be hungover on a day that I have twelve hours of class. The only reason I can write this right now is because one of my classes that I have with one of my SDAP friends got out early. Apart from all of that, I didn’t even get drunk. Don’t get me wrong, I went to a mexican restaurant that makes really strong drinks and got two different drinks and a free shot because it is my birthday. But, with that being said, I didn’t feel anything when we left. I didn’t eat a crap ton of food, but I guess because I had consciously eaten enough to where I wouldn’t get sick from eating, my body just let me enjoy the night without getting intoxicated at all. Honestly, I was really happy about that. Not only because I could enjoy the food and the company more, but because it isn’t about getting drunk at this point in my life, especially with my major being Special Education. This point in my life is about celebrating the flavor of food and drinks that I used to be scared to consume or celebrating coming this far in so many different areas of life. That was what yesterday was about and it couldn’t have gone more perfect.
The day started off with my roommate waking up early and baking me blueberry muffins. Isn’t that just the sweetest thing ever? Well okay, let me back up just a few hours. My actually birthday began at midnight. I was hanging with my guys that live in my building (Kevin, Brandon, and Joey) and we were watching football and just enjoying each other’s company. Well, it hit midnight and not only did Brandon bring down top shelf Patron for me to take a shot of (which I had never tried before and I still don’t know how I feel about it), but all three of the guys started belting out happy birthday at the top of their lungs. It completely made my night. I can’t even begin to tell you what that meant to me. Though it may not have been an acapella rendition or Michael Buble singing to me, it was beautiful to me!:) With that being said, I was walked back to my apartment and kissed ever so sweetly by the one I guess I’m talking to? Or I will just say the one that I am crushing really hard on that I find myself surprisingly enjoying his company on a regularly basis without it interrupting all of the other things I have going on in my life right now that are important. I went to bed to a slew of text messages from people that brought me to tears as I drifted off; texts telling me of my inspiration and my worth and value to them and how much they loved me, and it just was so overwhelming, but in a good way. I guess other people would read this and be like, “oh wow, here is this girl bragging about all these people telling her happy birthday and making her feeling good.” No, that is not what I’m meaning to do at all. What I’m not used to is feeling the actual emotional affects of people saying and doing all these things for me. Every birthday since I was twelve was filled with symptoms or being so consumed by my eating disorder that I was numb and just going through the motions of celebrating another year of just existing. This past year has been so full of change and life and love and happiness that this birthday was so overwhelming. Every single happy birthday whether that was all that was said or something else was attached, absolutely brought my heart that much closer to being overflowed. There are truly no words to explain how full of love I was for everyone and everything yesterday just because people took time out of their days to wish me a happy birthday.
Now, back to the muffin part. My roommate, my sweet roommate, woke up early so that I would have blueberry muffins for breakfast before class. How sweet is that?! That completely started my day off better than I could have imagined! And then, on top of that, one roommate got me the cutest teacher coffee mug ever. My other roommate got me smell good spray and lotion so that I smelled really good on my birthday. It wasn’t the fact that the presents are really cute and sweet, it was the fact that they spent time to not only get me gifts, but to wrap them both up with the cutest bows ever and surprise me with them in the morning. It just started my morning off with the best attitude and feeling possible. I also forgot to mention that last night, my dad sent me the cutest recording of him singing happy birthday to me and that added to the best serenading of the evening.
When I finally got to my fourth graders after my first class, I was greeted with the cutest little rendition of happy birthday I think I have ever heard in my life. They also were over the moon about the Halloween cupcakes that one of my good friends so graciously made for them. They turned out amazingly and I would recommend Mckenzie highly for any kind of cake or cupcake for any occassion. She is amazingly talented and ill exceed your expectations! Anywhoo, when I got to class a few of the kids walked up to me and told me that they had presents waiting for me in their desk. I was kind of taken back but thinking that it would be a simple card that they had made. No, they had gone above and beyond. One of my girls had bought me a necklace, had put beads in a bag for me to make a necklace of my own as well as charms to put on there in addition to a snowflake she had made, a card she had made in the shape of a heart and dum dum she had taped on the card. I literally almost started crying right there in my fourth graders’ class. How sweet is she to sit there and think of me at home to make me something let alone buy me something as precious as those things?! My other student following her presentation of her gift walked up to me with a braves baseball bat, one that could go on a key chain and proceeded to tell me that he was giving me a present so I now would have something with me that would always remind me of him. Not to mention I still have that giant birthday card that my kids had made last week early when they thought it was my birthday. So, my room is covered in cards from loved ones and friends as well as my kids and checks that will be donated to project heal within the next day. Which I am SO excited to donate! Words cannot express how excited I am to donate that money!!
After leaving my class, I got to my car and my phone had been blown up by text messages, snapchats, phone calls, voicemails, and every other method of communication telling me happy birthday. I literally had a few tears fall down because of how absolutely overwhelmed I was by how much love I was receiving. How does one handle all of that love? Yes it is amazing but it is just so much at once. I was just so grateful and am still grateful. I am exhausted today, but I think it is more from being emotional from how amazing the day was, not from how much I drank.I may have drank more than some people, but I never did get drunk. As Brandon said last night, a sign that I’m getting older and responsible because my assignments and me attending class is more important than getting drunk.
I went to another class after that and then went to lunch with one of my best friends who was not able to make it to my birthday dinner. We went to one of my favorite restaurants of all time and she paid for my lunch and my first legal beer, against my wishes. Yes, it was my birthday, but that doesn’t mean I want people paying for me. I feel bad if people are paying for me. But, hey it happened and I just kinda let it go. I was too happy to put up a fight. And I knew it would make her feel better since she couldn’t come to my birthday. After that, I went home and took a fabulous birthday nap. I’m going to call it that because everything seems better on your birthday. Before we left though, we both managed to eat a cupcake even though we were both stuffed to the brim. On top of being symptom free on my birthday, ED was nowhere to be found. I was eating whatever sounded delicious, which was an open faced jalepeno pineapple tempeh melt with a jalepeno yam soup with a two-hearted amber ale brewed in Michigan. That was followed up by a witch red velvet cupcake. My heart and my stomach was absolutely happy as I have had it in forever. It is amazing what you can eat and enjoy when ED is long gone from your mind and head. That was the first birthday in nine years where there was absolutely no sign of him. I couldn’t have been happier. Even when I put on my little black dress with my wedges to go to dinner, ED didn’t even bother trying to tell me where the dress hugged me wrong or what looked wrong. I just looked in the mirror and loved how I was dressed and how I did my makeup (which I never take the time to do anymore because I’ve finally learned to own my natural beauty).
At dinner it was just the best time possible hanging out with friends. In the end, I had to wear a sumbraro and blow out a flaming plate, and take a tequila shot. That was Dos’s celebration of twenty first birthday’s. It was a great time just spending time with friends. Granted there was one point where I pointed out that one of my friends had made a really rude comment to the waitress and that it was really unnecessary but I immediately regretted it because he completely snapped and began referring to me as an asshole and it just went downhill from there. Luckily my best friend that had brought him immediately shut him down and I ended the evening claiming the need to go home at that moment. I went home feeling guilty for having pointed out his mistake, although I don’t think that it was truly wrong because he was embarrassing the waitress who clearly was trying her best and was either really new at her job or having an exhausting and off night. Once we got home, Brandon spent some more time with me and it was just nice having a conversation with someone that validated my feelings about pointing out a wrongdoing and just having a nice conversation with me. Being around someone that confirms the positive things you do and feel about yourself is just a good way to end your birthday.
Overall, I just honestly thought the day would never come that I would have a birthday not focused on ED but focused on God and what His plan is for me. For those of you out there who think that God either doesn’t have a plan for you or the day will never come that you focus on the plan that He has for you, you are wrong. You just have to give up the instant gratification and those things will come. God comes in all places, all sizes, and unexpected times. You just have to be willing to accept where He is, what He wants, and what He is willing to do in your life.
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