Just a Good Reminder

“I know how hard it feels to let go of something you’ve been holding on for so long but if you think about how much you’ve been missing while holding on to just that one thing you might not know it, but you’ve just let a whole lot of other opportunities pass you by.”   

After the past few weeks that I’ve been having, this quote hit home to me. I must realize all that I cannot grasp hold of if I’ve still got the Eating Disorder in my hand.

Death Grip- An Anorexia Story By Skylar Brady

So I know it’s not typical for someone to reblog their own post, but with how stressed I’ve been lately and how loud ED has been screaming, for my own sanity I needed to repost this. Rewatching this brought tears to my eyes because ED has been so loud lately. There have been days where all I’ve wanted to do is give in to the urges and throw away the almost two years of progress that I’ve made because I just am tired of fighting. Some days, lately, I don’t even want to get out of bed because the urge to relapse is so strong. I haven’t felt like this in a while and I can’t chalk it up to just one thing.

I always told myself that I wouldn’t be someone who would depend on medicine to keep myself healthy and out of my eating disorder. Well, when my doctor stopped filling my anxiety prescription, I realized I was doing just that. But, I also didn’t realize how much those meds were helping me not even have urges. So, being off of these meds almost three weeks now, I am re-realizing how difficult this fight can be sometimes. How stress can latch on to negative thoughts and eating disorder thoughts and how it just seems like a giant road block in my mind. And lately I’ve had a lot of stuff going on, but the desire to conquer that stuff and move forward has been minimal. I’ve had this voice consistently in my head telling me I won’t be able to get anything done or that it won’t matter because I’m not going to be successful in life regardless. These are thoughts I haven’t battled in a while, and I guess I got so used to them not being there that I forgot how to ball them up and throw them away. So I’m going to start taking some time, right here, right now, in the midst of the craziness of finals, and final projects, and animals wrecking things, and just try and breathe. Life is never as bad as my mind can chalk it up to be, it’s just a matter of talking down my anxiety and talking down the ED voice.

I know I definitely don’t have life as bad as others do, and some days I just need to kick myself in the pants and get up and go. However, sometimes I just need to vent what is going on in my head so it’s not just stuck there, I can see it on paper. I can see how exaggerated ED is making everything, and how I should be thinking. I just…I guess even someone in recovery for almost two years still needs support and isn’t perfect. I thought that when I made the decision to stop acting on symptoms that I would be flawless with my recovery, that I wouldn’t have urges or need someone to talk me down from having ‘ED brain.’ That, my friends, was a completely insane thought. And yes I still kick myself for not being able to just ‘get over it’ some days, but those are the days that I should be asking for help and I simply don’t. Well, today I just need support, prayers, positive thoughts, uplifting messages, what have you. No I don’t have it the worst in the world, but eating disorders are like sickness, certain seasons are more prone to bring up symptoms and sometimes even when you’re doing all you can do to just get past it, you still can’t ‘get better’ on your own.

behiskindofbeautiful

My story got made into a documentary by a beautiful and fabulous individual! I thought I would share it here and share it today in case any one needed some lifting up. Despite everything going in my life, I know that God is good, my recovery is solid, and that He has a plan for my future; plans to prosper me and not to harm me. All of that means that I have faith and I have hope and I know that no matter what this world throws at me, He has my back. He has placed amazing people in my life to help me, to help share my story, to lift me up when I’m down, or to kick my butt when it needs kicking in gear. But today, today I laid things at the feet of Jesus and today, today things feel right again. I can’t tell you…

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14 Gifts You Should Definitely Buy Your Girlfriend This Holiday

Thought Catalog

A down comforter

Cat optional. Jennifer Lamb Cat optional. Jennifer Lamb

Women love to be cozy (men too, they just like to admit it less). A down comforter is the coziest, most expensive-feeling way to sleep. It makes every single night feel special and relaxing.

Luxury candles

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Nothing makes a woman feel fancier than nice candles. They turn any night at home into a romantic event, any normal bath into a spa experience, — basically any commonplace thing into the upgraded version of it. And, honestly, they just look pretty sitting on the shelf.

I’m in the middle of writing a forthcoming review of about a dozen different candles so my friends at Neom were nice enough to send me their Christmas candles for this year. I lit up one of these small candles in my (large) living room before I had guests over, and the scent that filled the room made everyone feel…

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What Students Really Need to Hear

This is everything and more that I want to say to my students right now. Nailed it!

AFFECTIVE LIVING

It’s 4 a.m.  I’ve struggled for the last hour to go to sleep.  But, I can’t.  Yet again, I am tossing and turning, unable to shut down my brain.  Why?  Because I am stressed about my students.  Really stressed.  I’m so stressed that I can only think to write down what I really want to say — the real truth I’ve been needing to say — and vow to myself that I will let my students hear what I really think tomorrow.

This is what students really need to hear:

First, you need to know right now that I care about you. In fact, I care about you more than you may care about yourself.  And I care not just about your grades or your test scores, but about you as a person. And, because I care, I need to be honest with you. Do I have permission to be…

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NEDA Asheville Walk

After being made aware of this event by the lovely Sarah Gore, I immediately knew this was something I wanted to be apart of. As most of you know, I am now in recovery from an extremely rough and deadly battle against my eating disorder. This December will mark two full years in recovery. When I look back at pictures I took and poems I wrote even a few years ago when I was deep in my disorder. It brings tears to my eyes to compare my life then to now because I never thought the life I have now would be possible in a lifetime, let alone before I graduated college.

Earlier this year, the closest group I have from rehab lost one of our closest friends to this disorder. It not only robbed me of a lot of my childhood, but it has taken loved ones I leaned on in rough times. This disorder is more deadly than anyone could ever imagine, especially those whose lives have been untouched by this type of illness.

To raise awareness, to raise money, and to walk proudly because daily I am conquering my eating disorder, I’m walking with one of the strongest women I know who has always been beautiful inside and out and is finally starting to see it for herself. If you would like to help me raise money, go to http://neda.nationaleatingdisorders.org/goto/LindsayRex2014 and click donate! It is really simple and I would appreciate all the support I can get for NEDA, such an amazing organization that helps give women the type of help I was lucky enough to receive because my parents moved hell and high water to keep me alive.

Your participation and support goes a long way!

$30 provides 30 minutes on the NEDA Helpline.
$50 provides 20 CD-ROMs of NEDA Toolkits to parents, teachers, coaches and volunteers.
$100 pays for the tools required for a NEDA Navigator as they provide support to individuals and families affected.
$250 pays for a full day of operation of the Proud2BMe.org teen website, which promotes confidence in teens across America.
Every dollar helps towards our goal of a world without eating disorders!

You can also register to walk with me on the Asheville, NC NEDA Walk website! Be sure to tell your family, friends, classmates, coworkers and members of your local community to join in the fight against eating disorders!

Thank you all for your constant love and support! 

14 #YesAllWomen Tweets That Everyone Needs To See

Thought Catalog

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If you aren’t familiar with #YesAllWomen, you should definitely check out these posts by Claudia Guthrie, Ella Ceron, and Jamie Varon. Once you’re done with those you need to read the following tweets which hopefully resonate with everyone that’s sees them. It has to be more than a moment of awareness. It needs to become a catalyst of change. Hopefully this is just the beginning. TC Mark

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Death Grip- An Anorexia Story By Skylar Brady

My story got made into a documentary by a beautiful and fabulous individual! I thought I would share it here and share it today in case any one needed some lifting up. Despite everything going in my life, I know that God is good, my recovery is solid, and that He has a plan for my future; plans to prosper me and not to harm me. All of that means that I have faith and I have hope and I know that no matter what this world throws at me, He has my back. He has placed amazing people in my life to help me, to help share my story, to lift me up when I’m down, or to kick my butt when it needs kicking in gear. But today, today I laid things at the feet of Jesus and today, today things feel right again. I can’t tell you that I’m perfect or that my life is perfect or that it has been anything near sunshine and rainbows. Maybe one of the reasons why I haven’t been blogging so much is because sometimes when I put my stress on paper I feel just a little bit crazy for thinking that God couldn’t handle it if He could save the whole world and sacrifice His Son all in one foul swoop. But today it seems like I slowed down a little bit, got on my knees and prayed, not for Him to take things away from me or to lift weights off my shoulders, but that He would forgive me for thinking I could do this without Him. That He would have mercy on me for walking around knowing that He loves me and loving Him back, but not with my whole heart, not with everything I have. I’ve been blinded by the things of this world and therefore bogged down by the worries of this world thinking that this is all there is. But today it was like my eyes were opened and I can see once again that this is only temporary; with my eyes set on the Lord and my heart forever praising Him, He will fill me up day after day, moment by moment, setting my path before me. He never promises this path to be easy, for even the Son of God did not have an easy path in this life. In fact, He says it will be harder for believing in Him goes against what this world says and everything that this world wants to drag you into doing. And while just today reopening my eyes may not seem like a lot, for me it is giving my motivation back, and giving me my love for people back that had somehow crawled into that dark spot of depression that I thought I had covered up for good. The devil took an old wound of mine, depression, ripped off the bandage and started twisting, knowing I would fall before I reached out my hand for God and for help. But now, even though it may have taken a while to look back in the right direction, I see He has a plan and has had a plan all along. For there is nothing without Him and God is good all the time and all the time God is good. For in the wreckage, He is there, and in the triumphs, He is there. He will never leave nor foresake me, only wait patiently for me to whisper, “Father, Abba, I need you.” Which He has known all along, and then He scoops me up in His arms like He did today, holds me close and through life’s miracles, through friends, through beautiful sunrises and sunsets, through understanding professors, and sixth graders that tell you they never want you to leave, He whispers back, “I love you, my child. I will never leave nor foresake you, I am always with you. You are NEVER alone.”

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