Day 16: Substitutes, 1st grade memories, gym sessions, and life stories

So today has been emotional, but in a good way. I think I finally had a day during this week that wasn’t a Monday. I was absolutely relieved when I realized I was finally getting a mental and emotional break after how crazy this whole week has been. It even had a few break throughs both spiritually and physically. My day began with a class that I received a one hundred on a test that I was half asleep when I took. Needless to say, paying attention in all of my classes and having a passion for what I do pays off. Even my subconscious mind can recall information when the rest of me is home asleep.

I left that class to go to my internship, hoping it was going to be better than the rambunctious Tuesday that the class was having. It wasn’t rambunctious, but at the same time it was extremely quiet, and not in a good way. Today we had a sub who did not know how to properly communicate with fourth graders. I witnessed on multiple occasions where she got down in the students’ faces and just yelled simply because she was on a power trip.  Being an intern, I couldn’t say anything to her because it wasn’t my place. At the same time, I went through the rest of my time in the classroom trying to fix the damage she had caused these kids. I talked with one as we walked down the hallway trying to allow him to relieve his emotions and validate that he should not have been yelled at without disrespecting that substitute; that was one of the hardest things i’ve had to do in a while. Surprisingly, the student opened up to me and he is one who does not share emotions or anything further than educational related subjects with people. I was floored, but it didn’t hit me until I got into my car. I sat for a minute before I started driving and was like… “Wow, I might have made part of a break through.” That for me would have been enough to make my whole week better.

But, The Good Lord didn’t stop there. The day got even better. Apart from the fact that my body image was bangin’ today, for lack of a better term, ED didn’t poke his snobby little head anywhere near me today. I cannot explain how much of a relief that was. After having him screaming and yelling in my head all the rest of this week, it felt like my defenses got to take a vacation in the Bahamas. I didn’t have to be on my guard about anything, especially how I felt about myself. It’s almost like the Lord is showing me that when I trust Him and speak His truth as well as my own personal truth, I will be victorious in all things through Him. I guess it never occurred to me what it would feel like when I agreed to let Him take my yoke and my burdens. It didn’t hit me until I took a breath today and realized that I was so focused on living my life for Him and fulfilling my duties as a teacher, a student, and a friend, that I didn’t allow ED to be fed at all.

As if the day couldn’t get any better, I went to CRU this evening and was just in awe of how God is moving our generation in His direction. I got chills throughout the night listening to fellow christians and college students stepping out in faith and loving others blindly while also sharing their faith. It made me think about the even larger picture of how I can just love people unconditionally as He loves us and I have been taught to love myself. Not to mention, one part of what one of the speakers said stood out to me. She said “Who am I to say that the story He has written for me is not good enough?” That blew me away because I realized that is exactly what I had been doing my whole life. I had been handing God back the script of my life and blueprints for my body telling Him that it wasn’t good enough, it wasn’t done right. He is the Alpha and the Omega and I told Him that His creation wasn’t good enough?! Excuse me?! How does that even begin to make sense? Needless to say, I was once again blown away by my peers and the worship that CRU provides.

The crazy part about today is that wasn’t even the end of my great day! After CRU I went to work out with my best friend Bri and her roommate. Not only do we always help motivate each other because we have a routine set in place, but we also spent a lot of time talking through some issues that all three of us girls were having. We then landed on the topic of abusive relationships and pasts. Needless to say, the hair on the back of my neck was standing up and I was ready to go to war once that topic began. It is just a subject that hits home quite hard for me seeing as the relationships I have been in have been anything but healthy. God found a way to use what I had heard at CRU this very night, not even a few hours later. It turned out that my story was needing to be heard by someone in a situation I had put myself in before and am just now getting Christian counseling from a pastor on campus for. Needless to say, God is strong in our weaknesses.

God, I just want to thank You for being so amazing and for loving us unconditionally. Thank You that our stories are written perfectly unperfect and that our weaknesses are made strong in You. Lord, I just want to thank You for giving me the strength to make it through this week and still come out with a positive attitude. God you are marvelous and wonderful and worthy to be praised. Amen.

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